I turned 25 yesterday.
It was weird. I felt nothing. I mean, I thought I would hate turning 25. In a very comical way, I do pretend to hate it. But the reality is that I don’t actually care much.
But I do care a little, that’s why I decided to write this piece. It’s mostly going to be a reflective one though, I don’t have many learnings to share. So I will just write whatever comes to my mind.
Although, if this piece turns out to be full of learnings or jargons, then you can just call me a hypocrite/ liar and move on.
I was going to be successful
Yesterday, one of my friend said that when she was 15, she used to wonder what her life would be at 25. I don’t remember imagining that ever.
When I was 15, I had no reason to think about the future that would come after 10 years. I was just happy with whatever I had. I went to school, met my friends, played cricket with them, scored well in exams and that was it. That was my life.
When I was 20, I was more aspirational. But I still never imagined what my life would be like. I don’t know why but I always assumed that I would be successful. You can call it my overconfidence or my delusion. For me, it was a belief.
Last 5 years have been very different though. I have been through many life changing experiences, some wake up calls and a lot of failures. Many of these things surprised me because they revealed things about me that I didn’t know myself.
When I turned 21, I thought I have failed as I had nothing, but I was still hopeful that I would be successful in 4 years. Then I turned 22 and the same thing happened again.
When I turned 23, I was not in college anymore. I had a job, I had a side thing, I had a dream, I had some money. I was fine, but I was not successful. I was disappointed in myself but I was even more hopeful that now I am on a path where I will be able to change my life in 2 years.
I turned 24 last year and nothing had changed. I just knew a few more people, I had a few more followers, had some money but not much and I had moved to a new city. I thought I am doing fine, but I was nowhere near success. I thought I am on the right path and things will be different next year, when I will be 25.
Yesterday, I turned 25.
No, don’t take this in a sad way. I am happy. I have only had a few phases in my life when I was truly happy. I am going through one of them right now.
I am happy, but am I successful? No, I am not. But I am happy.
All these years, I was waiting for this day to come when I will be 25 and I will be successful. The day is here and I am 25 and I am happy. Now I have 2 choices:
Ruin my happiness thinking about why I am not who or what I was supposed to be.
Just let it be and accept that I am who I was supposed to be. Over time, I will become whoever I am supposed to be and maybe that whoever would be successful.
I am going to choose 2 over 1 this time.
On the brighter side
Someone I know once told me that I have this bad habit of not looking at things I have and focus more on the things that I lack. I think it’s not just me, it’s everyone.
“Look at the brighter side” is a common phrase because we have to remind people to do that. They are already looking into the dark.
I believe that I have worked hard to change this habit and look at things in a more optimistic way. I have felt the difference. So, I think reflecting at life as an optimist is also important.
When I was 17, I was the topper of my school. After my 12th, I went to Delhi to study for this exam called JEE. Being in that class in that coaching centre made me realise how I am not special, I am just one of them, these children that come here with bags on their shoulders, NCERT books in those bags and some dreams that they don’t know why they have. Looking back at it, I think it was a good thing. It made me realise how big the world is and you are not special if you are doing what everyone else is doing. If you want to be special, you need to do special things.
When I was 19, I got into a relationship. Now when I look back at it, I don’t know why my girlfriend chose me. I was a mess. I might have been the most fucked up person that she knew, but she was fine with it. It’s been more than 5 years and I am super grateful that I met her. Not meeting her might have taken my life in a very different direction. I don’t know how that life would have been and honestly, I don’t want to know.
When I was 21, I got an internship. I was the last person to get an internship on campus in college. Why? Because I didn’t know anything duh. Still, 2 people took a bet on me and selected me. I gained nothing from that internship as such, but I met this guy who wanted to start something of his own. I talked to him and I could see how much this person wanted to do it. We talked about ideas, about businesses, and it was addictive. I’m pretty sure that was the turning point of my career.
I was 22 when I walked out of a startup I had been building for the last 7 months. I had a mental breakdown which became a bigger thing and I just left everything at the table and walked away. I mean, the “startup” was valued nothing, but the time, work, hope and potential I left at that time, I still think about it. For a few days, it felt like the world is ending. Then, things became better and I started Crework. It wouldn’t have happened without those few days and for that, I am grateful.
I was 23 when I made the first revenue from Crework. It was not much, it was almost nothing, but it was everything to me. That amount meant that people trusted me and believed in Crework as much as I did. It was the first step we took in the direction of a “business” and it is still one of the best things that happened to me.
Just like these, a lot of things have been happening to me that changed my life and pushed it in a better direction. I should have been grateful, but just like everyone else, I was always blind towards them.
Things like new years and birthdays give me a chance to look back at my life, be happy and be grateful about things I have done, people I have met and the lives I have touched.